I showed him my bush... on skype.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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