I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
