so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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