my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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