You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
