Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
