oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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