i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
