I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
