I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
