Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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