It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
