I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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