ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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