What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
