The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
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