Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
