i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
