I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
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And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
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I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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