NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
