you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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