Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
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I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
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When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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