some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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