So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
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Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
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I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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