Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
