Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
