But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
