I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
