I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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