The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
