He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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