I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
