please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
