break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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