You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
