On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We're too hungover to prance.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
