I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
