Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
