ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
