Sponge bath it is.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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