The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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