i jhust puked up my retainher.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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