Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
