Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
