Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We're facebook friends in real life
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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