and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
