Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
