Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
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