That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
