Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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