I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
