Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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