adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
