filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
