I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
