i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
