his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
